Respect Isn't Earned
Let’s get this out of the way.
If you believe respect is earned, you are already starting from the wrong place.
And if you’re a leader who demands respect, you’re not leading.
You’re posturing.
The Lie Bad Leaders Love
“Respect is earned” sounds tough.
It sounds disciplined.
It sounds like something strong leaders say.
It’s also a convenient excuse to treat people like garbage.
Because what that phrase usually means is:
- I don’t trust you
- I don’t owe you basic decency
- My title puts me above you
That’s not leadership.
That’s insecurity with authority.
Everyone Starts With Respect
Yes. Everyone.
Day one.
Before the first commit.
Before the first mistake.
Before they “prove themselves.”
People walk in assuming you’ll be fair, reasonable, and not an asshole.
That respect is loaned to you.
And many leaders light it on fire.
How You Burn Respect Fast
You don’t lose respect in one big moment.
You lose it in dozens of tiny ones.
- Talking over people
- Dismissing questions
- Making decisions in private and announcing them as facts
- Flexing your title instead of your judgment
Every one of those moments tells your team the same thing:
“I don’t actually respect you.”
And once people hear that message enough times, they stop giving you anything extra.
They give you compliance.
They give you silence.
They give you the bare minimum.
Fear Is Not Respect
It’s just quieter.
Let’s be brutally honest.
When people stop pushing back, stop disagreeing, and stop offering ideas…
That’s not alignment.
That’s fear.
Fear lasts until someone finds another job.
Respect lasts even when they don’t have to stay.
If your team is quiet, don’t congratulate yourself.
Ask why.
Here’s the Part Leaders Hate
If you need to announce that you deserve respect, you don’t have it.
If you lead through fear, people aren’t following you.
They’re waiting you out.
And the second they can leave, they will.
What Real Respect Actually Looks Like
(And Why It’s Not Sexy)
Real respect is boring.
It’s consistency.
It’s fairness.
It’s doing what you said you’d do.
It’s admitting you’re wrong without spinning it.
It’s listening without preparing your rebuttal.
It’s treating junior people like adults, not obstacles.
Not because they earned it.
Because that’s the baseline.
Stop Saying “Respect Is Earned”
Say this instead:
Respect is given.
And leaders are responsible for not wasting it.
Every interaction is a withdrawal or a deposit.
Most leaders are overdrawn and don’t even know it.
Final Word
Your title didn’t earn you respect.
Your experience doesn’t protect it.
And your authority won’t save it.
Respect is not earned.
And once you burn it,
no amount of leadership training will bring it back.
🎧 Podcast Episode
This post pairs with the podcast episode “Respect Is Not Earned.”
